Beginnings

How did I become interested in this lifestyle?

For what seems like forever, I was vanilla. I had no interest in bondage, pain, servitude, nor dominance. Not because I didn't understand it, simply because I was never exposed to it.

I joined an online game and became aware of a whole new world where people wore collars, were dragged around naked on their knees, abused for their leash holders pleasure. This distressed me and I became curious as to why people would allow themselves to be treated so poorly.

I began talking to the people I was most distressed for, and learned they FELT they DESERVED nothing better. This distressed me even more. I became determined to treat these souls better than those who led them. Through my gentleness, I earned the trust and loyalty of many, but that wasn't my goal. My aim was to make them feel better about themselves, and liberate them from the need and desire to be abused.

Time went by, people changed, I changed. I became more and more distressed by people being abused and treated poorly. I became more and more angry that people could hurt and abuse people like that. I left that world, and severed many ties simply because I had enough of people mistreating people, and people allowing themselves to be mistreated.

Over the next few months, one of the friends I made in that other world offered to introduce me to a new world. I had always felt fondly towards this person, and flirted pretty intensely with him. I trusted him, so I joined him in that world.

Shortly after joining him, he invited me to meet a friend who was of the lifestyle, but wanted to experiment with the other side. This was my first personal experience with Dominance as he introduced me as Mistress and informed the woman on the bed she was to serve me.

I was fairly unsteady, but didn't want him to be made a fool of, so I rolled with it, and played Mistress. I was not the cruel abusive woman that so many in the other world were. I could never be that kind of person. I enjoyed the feeling of power inside as I manipulated her to doing whatever I wished so long as it didn't demean or demoralize her.

It was shortly after that experience he and I talked about it. I enjoyed it. I learned he was submissive and enjoyed watching me play the Dominatrix. Over the next week our relationship changed, and he gave me complete control over himself. This was very new to me. I felt an awe unlike any I have ever known. I also felt a sense of power unlike anything I had ever felt before. Something else happened. Something deep inside began to awaken and I didn't know it.

Someone came to this new world from the old world.... and whatever it was inside of me that was awakening, shriveled up in fear. I became nothing more than a simpering and foolish woman who put herself back in a bad place. I felt an obligation to this person, but thought that feeling of obligation was love. I thought I was in love with this person only to discover, I really wasn't. I felt he needed someone to care for him. I thought I was the right woman for that job. I thought I could make this person care about something again.

I learned I was wrong. I also learned I didn't like to admit defeat.

I lost a great friend, a loyal submissive, and all contact with a great person while learning I was so very wrong about many things.

When things seemed darkest, another wonderful friend who managed to get himself into scrapes of his own chose to join me in this world. I had tried several times to brush him off, and push him away over the course of years. He too was from the first world. He was one I didn't understand, but I knew I loved, and I knew I needed to protect.

Obligation to him made me keep him close to my side.

I knew his sense of devotion to me was deep. I let go of many bonds that were forming because I didn't want to hurt this one any more than I had over the previous years. I pretend to be happy that he was my one and only. Inside, I felt a great fear that I would let him down and that I would hurt him, again.

It wasn't long after he came to keep me company that I grew to rely on him just as I had in the other world. It felt natural for him to be at my side. My love for him changed from that of a guardian to that of a close friend, but still I felt a personal distance was necessary.

It took pretty much a bludgeoning by friends for me to trust love again. I opened my heart just a small bit, testing the waters so to speak. He took that small wedge and filled it with a deep and unconditional love unlike I had ever known. That small wedge to a heart half ice and stone became a broad opening filling with more love than I ever felt before. My heart that I thought for sure should be small, ice, and stone grew soft.

He already knew he enjoyed being a bottom. I'm convinced he's not as submissive as he thinks he is. We've explored D/s together, and I've learned much about us both.

He wears my collar.

While he wears my collar, however, I do not have complete control over him. I do not press the issue. There is alot of distance between us, so I do not try to exert my authority over him outside of our evening games.

I cannot imagine not having him so close to me. I cannot imagine not being his Mistress. When I feel Dominant, and I do exert that power, I sense a great joy from him, and that joy can't be described in words.

If ever you have watched a child's face light up at heartfelt praise from a parent or other adult, then you have just a small inkling of the joy I feel from him as he submits himself to me and my will.

I have never felt so loved in all my life. Not as a child, nor as a wife, nor as a mother. This man who has offered himself to my collar makes me feel incredible, and capable of doing anything. I have always felt a need to protect him, yet, through his love, when I am in his arms, I feel sheltered and protected.

I have never felt I could let my guard down and relax completely. With him, I can, and do. No greater feeling has existed than his desire to care completely for me. When he bathes me, all my stresses wash away with the dirt. When we caresses me, all my doubts of anything vanish and I am lost in the moment. When he massages me, my body tingles and each muscle begs to be the next his fingers touch. When we share intimacy, he makes it his passion to give me the ultimate pleasure.

The smile on his face, and in his eyes when he completes each of these shows the truth to how much he enjoys serving me.

When I share my power and strength with him, a fire burns deep within him that shines in his eyes and comes through in his kiss. When I pin him beneath me, forcing my will over him, the smile could not be any bigger nor his pleadings to be used by me any louder. His fire burns hottest when I am feeling most Dominant, and that matches the fire deep inside me that I thought was burned out completely.

He has re-awakened what I thought was gone for good. Together, we find a great passion, and an even more intense love through our bonds as Lady and boy than we did as just friends and lovers. That bond only promises to grow more intense in our future together as husband and Wife added to our bonds of Mistress and sub.

He is Mine. I am his. Though distance keeps us apart, Time promises to bring us together again. Even through our physical absenses, our bonds grow stronger and unseverable. From his arms, I'll never stray any more than from my collar would he.